Do You Let “Sickness” Stop You From Friendship?

Linda: Picture this: It’s Friday morning. The alarm goes off. It’s the day we play tennis. Today’s challenge: I feel like I’ve been hit by a train and my body is not in the mood for tennis. It aches, my head is spinning, and my nose is running. I’m gonna drag myself out of bed anyway. Envisioning my friend greeting me at the court with her bed-head that matches mine is all the inspiration I need! We both throw on hats to hide the mess, don our shades and get to it. In sickness or health, we play. Why? Because we try to not let anything keep us from our Friday morning tennis match. It’s worth it because it’s a blast!

Sickness can be a friend stopper, if you let it.

Kathy: Just like physical “sickness” tries to keep us from our game of tennis, psychological issues try to disrupt our friendship. Growing up, I struggled with low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, and feeling like I could not be a good friend. I let that stop me from having a friend because I did not think I was capable. Those things don’t go away quickly and can rob you of fun and fruitful relationships. I had to do some surgery deep down inside to bring health to myself and to my friendship with Linda.

Don’t wait till you are “all that” to become someone’s friend.

Linda: I too, had some “sickness” that I had to work through, because let’s face it; we are all messed up to some degree or another. But we encourage you to go ahead and jump into friendship, even if you are not “all that”! If you wait until you are perfect, can love at ALL times, be patient in ALL times, forgive at ALL times, etc, etc, you will never experience friendship. Go ahead and start engaging, just like we do when we play tennis. We play when we are sick and we play when we are healthy. Otherwise, we would miss out on precious times together.

Don’t let sickness stop you, keep playing while you are taking your relationship medicine. 🙂

We have compiled a short list of resources and helps that can bring health to you and ultimately your friendship.

Medicine for Your Friendship:

This is one of our all time favorite books on friendship. It covers all of the basics from deepening your friendship to cultivating it. A classic and an easy read:

The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care for by Alan Loy McGinnis 

If you are stuck in a conflict with your friend and can’t find your way out, this book will show you how to lay out what is bugging you in a productive way:

How to Have That Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding: With Your Spouse, Adult Child, Boss, Coworker, Best Friend, Parent, or Someone You’re Dating by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

When you need to apologize but need help with the “how”:

The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in all Your Relationships by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas

This book can be applied to any relationship that needs a fix. Dr. Phil really delivers:

Relationship Rescue: A Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner by Phillip C. McGraw

You are so different from your friend; learn why the two of you may see and do things so uniquely:

The Four Elements of Success: A Simple Personality Profile that will Transform Your Team by Laurie Beth Jones

Everyone needs good boundaries in friendship; this will give you an edge in knowing what is a healthy boundary and when you have blown it:

Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

So, please don’t wait till you are in total psychological health before you engage in friendship, or you’ll never have friends! Even if you’re not in total “health”, you can still enjoy friendship with someone. We play tennis to the extent that our sickness will allow. Same in friendship. We will be friends to the extent that the sickness will allow. If you don’t, you will miss out!


~ by thefriendshipdoctors on July 29, 2011.

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